17: The Beat Groves On, Foo’ Chump Dogg G by Mentos “Anubis
the hotel and ran into James who was wandering past the hotel at the
exact same time. Coincidently, a man wearing a ski mask and a
nondescript black outfit drove by in a cadillac and kicked out
“Maria” before driving off. Maria stood up and brushed off
her dress, which instantly ripped into a miniskirt. She let out a
frustrated grunt and brushed off her formal blouse, causing the
midrift to tear off revealing her stomach.
all! Why is it everything I wear makes me look like a prostitute!”
She shouted shaking her fists up at the hotel. Old Man Sunderland
stuck his head out of his office window.
your fist at another hotel, skank!” he tossed a bottle of vodka
at her, which missed and hit James instead. He fell backwards
knocking over a woman who was walking past the hotel.
sorry miss-Maria?” James said brushing himself off, his pants
ripping into a miniskirt. He let out a frustrated grunt and brushed
off his formal suit jacket which the midrift ripped on revealing his
all! Why is it every time I wear a tuxedo casually I end up looking
like that prostitute over there!” James said crossing his arms
and pouting. Maria blinked and looked over at the woman behind James.
My dead wife? Is she sending more letters?” James asked as he
setup a changing booth out of scraps of metal, before putting on a
welding mask and putting them together. He quickly changed into his
regular outfit of a plain brown chacket, plaid shirt, and black
undershirt, and hemp pants.
a second.” James said looking at the suitcase he had. It read
“Shaggy” on the I.D. tag. He ran back into the booth and
place don his regular jeans and threw the changing room across town
where someone else would probably need it.
right. Anyways, no, that’s Mary right behind you, apparently she
know it’s a tragedy, she died 3 years ago.”
she went to the hospital for an ingrown toenail and you tried to kill
her but put her in a coma and she’s been plotting her revenge.”
is dead…for…3 years…and has sent..nightmares..to kill me…?”
James said scratching his head as if trying to solve an unsolvable
equation. Maria rolled her eyes. Mary looked around nervously, Velma
was busy adjusting her glasses neurotically.
James, your dead wife, who is right behind you, is haunting you with
guilt in the form of monsters…anyways, I haven’t seen you since the
affair two years ago!”
you had an affair with a stripper 2 years ago?” Mary said
clenching a fist. James thought for a moment. He looked at Mary then
back at Maria.
yeah, yes, I did have an affair with Maria here, Not-Maria.”
James said shrugging turning to Mary. Mary pulled on her hair and
foamed at the mouth as rage overcame her senses. Velma broke the
Maria, where do you work at?”
work over at Heaven’s Night.” Maria said fluffing her hair and
swinging it back and forth dramatically in slow motion.
that disease or something?”
dramatitis. It strikes when there’s alot of people and a camera crew
around.” Maria said waving into the camera.
you work in the orphanage?”
I don’t know what they’ve been telling you, but Heaven’s Night is a
James said interrupting. Velma looked at James then at Maria.
strip clmine. What praytell is that?”
a…local word…for a mine. So when you think of strip mine, we call
it a strip clmine.” James said laughing nervously. Velma
adjusted her glasses.
the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard. Look James, I got a college
degree in Human Logic and Comprehension. It’s obvious you’re trying
to say strip club. We’re all adults here so just admit it already,
would you?” Velma said sighing lightly. James nodded.
Velma, Heaven’s Night is a strip club.”
pervert!” Velma shouted slapping James who fell backwards into a
subway entrance they had stumbled upon during their hours of
wandering around and solving puzzles I forgot to mention.
you guys hear a siren?” Mary said as silence filled the air.
can’t say I do.” Maria said looking around.
said, DO YOU GUYS HEAR A SIREN?” Mary said cupping her hands and
shouting. Still nothing.
you need to have your hearing checked?” James asked crawling out
of the subway entrance.
SAID DO YOU GUYS HEAR A MOTHER ING SIREN!” Mary shouted
throwing a rock behind a car. A loud clank followed by archaic
cursing filled the air. Suddenly a shrill siren filled the air as
their surroundings began to turn black as darkness began to creep up
no! Shadows! QUICK! Into the safe forboding darkness of the subway
system!” James shouted falling back down the stairs. Velma ran
after him down the stairs, and Maria followed. Mary stayed behind as
Pyramid-Head walked up carrying a stereo playing the sound of a
work sweety.” Mary said giving Pyramid-Head a kiss on the side
of his metal mask. He set down the stereo and fell down the stairs
after James and the gang.